innocence hill

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i close my eyes and i can still see you there
waiting at the foot of innocence hill

eyes pale blue like the sky
on a cloudless summer afternoon
our lives were written there
in dust and red autumn leaves
in daisies and four-leaf clovers
secrets whispered softly
in a smiling ear
my hill of confidence
my mountain of solace
shared lunches and carefree laughter
wide-eyed wishing and careless dreaming
in the shadow of the cross
interlinked arms
interwoven hearts
innocent kisses
blissfully oblivious
to the fragile fraying thread
that tied our lives together.

I have attempted another challenge from L.L. Barkat, posted on her blog Seedlings in Stone. The challenge is to see, hear and feel, to focus on choosing words with sounds that mirror meaning. I tried, I think I’m quite an abstract thinker- I see and feel very much but find it difficult to translate into words that are not abstract. Definitely something to work on as I think it can only improve writing. So this was about the simplicity and innocence of friendships formed during my last years of childhood, I attended a christian school with beautiful grounds, my favourite place being the hill with three crosses at the top…

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5 thoughts on “innocence hill”

  1. Rain, love this line…

    fragile fraying thread, which is visual and abstract at the same time (as metaphors are).

    Love these lines too…

    our lives were written there
    in dust and red autumn leaves
    in daisies and four-leaf clovers

    And I love the tone of the poem. Peace.

    But it’s hard isn’t it, to do this seeing thing? I’m actually a pretty abstract thinker too. I have to make myself quiet the interpreter and just dwell with the visions. One way I do this if I can’t accomplish it in my head is to just list the things I could see and hear about a place, person, whatever. And then from there I branch out. It might look like so…

    couch
    green couch
    green paisley couch
    green paisley couch stuffing-pouring-out
    green paisley stuffing-pouring-out depressions
    green paisley stuffing-pouring-out depressions creaks

    Anyway, when I got to the end of your explanation section, I thought I want to see more of that hill with the three crosses at the top. What does it look out over? What trees are there, if any? Were there rocks or just grass?Who picked the daisies and what did they do with them? Or did no one pick the daisies? What did your shoes look like, your socks, in that time and place? Were the crosses wood or metal? Painted? Cool? Warm? Rough?

    If you get inspired, maybe a part two? : )

  2. I too, tend to think in abstracts…it’s difficult to describe a feeling, no? I love L.L.’s advice in her comment. But your poem is beautiful, and definitely visual…

    This was my favorite too:

    to the fragile fraying thread
    that tied our lives together.

    I learn through the reading!

  3. Beautiful poem… my favorite lines, “shared lunches and carefree laughter, wide-eyed wishing and careless dreaming”. Totally brings me back to my girlhood and the friendships that were shared.

  4. This is excellent feedback L.L. thank you, I am starting to see… :) I did that exercise just now like you did with the couch, and I think I may be on my way to part 2. :) Thanks again for the practical feedback!

    Hi Laura, Yes! It is difficult to describe a feeling! I completely relate. But I think I am learning now to not focus so much on the feeling- but focus on what is seen and little details.

    Thank you for the kind words Katrina, I am enjoying this journey of learning together :)

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